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Demos: Stress, guilt and exhaustion ‘toxic mix’ for middle class parents
Flexible work and more equal parental leave vital for good parenting
Inflexible, stressful and emotionally demanding jobs can undermine parenting confidence and contribute to emotional withdrawal from children shows a new report from the think tank Demos. While educational background has little effect on parenting style, work conditions were shown to make an impact.
Although being employed was in general positive for parenting, the kind of work parents did had an impact. Work impacted negatively on parenting when it was characterised by inflexibility - in terms of hours and culture in the workplace. Importantly, parents in well-paid but highly stressful jobs experienced as much negative impact as those in mundane, low paid and low-skill jobs, because of the lack of choice about working long hours and emotional demands of the workplace. The ability to be creative at work, as well as flexible with hours had a positive impact on parenting.
Guilt associated with working difficult hours was found to damage parents’ self confidence and confidence in their parenting ability, though the parent’s own perception of this was far greater than any impact observed during research. Informal, community support networks were found to improve parental confidence.
Fathers work longer hours than childless men. One in three fathers work more than a 48 hour week, while 1 in 4 men without children work more than 48 hours per week. Twelve per cent of fathers work more than 60 hours per week. Fathers also increase their working hours once their youngest child is 6 years old. Fewer men than women use their right to request flexible work. One third of fathers work on flexitime or work from home.
The number of mothers who work has more than tripled from 1 in 6 in 1951 to 2 in 3 in 2008. Mothers in the UK are now more likely to work than not work. Mothers with partners are more likely to work part-time (41 per cent) over full-time (31 per cent). Lone mothers are just as likely to work full-time as they are part-time (28 and 27 per cent). Six per cent of mothers work a 48 hour week and 3 per cent work more than 60 hours per week.
New polling found that 41 per cent of fathers were in favour of introducing 'use it or lose it' paternity leave, compared to only 31 per cent of mothers. Overall, 66 per cent of parents were positive or neutral on the issue and only 28 per cent opposed 'use it or lose it' paternity leave. Less than half of mothers surveyed would be happy for their partner to be the main carer, showing that gendered attitudes towards work and care go both ways.
With the number of working parents continuing to rise, and mothers still doing the majority of domestic tasks, Demos recommends:
Boost the capacity of organisations to offer flexible work: Businesses must be encouraged to support employees who request flexible work. The recession and rise in unemployment should be used as an opportunity to experiment with flexible working arrangements.
Encourage shared parenting through an equal system of parental leave: Parental leave should be on the basis of ‘use it or lose it’ for both mothers and fathers and include an element of transferable leave.
Engage fathers in parenting related public services: Health visitors and Sure Start workers should always ask to register both the mother and father of the child. They should receive training on how to appeal to and encourage fathers and male carers as parents.
Kitty Ussher, director of Demos said:
“Our working lives are inextricably bound up with our home lives and the ability of parents to support their children will be shaped by their freedom to balance care with their responsibilities at work.
“But work does not have a straightforward relationship with parenting. It’s not only the number of hours worked, but also the flexibility of a parent’s schedule and the quality of their work that makes a difference to children.”
Jen Lexmond, author of the report, said:
“Work has a profound effect on parenting across all incomes. The right kind of work that is flexible and stimulating can improve parenting. But these kinds of jobs often come hand in hand with high levels of stress and emotional exhaustion which can be a toxic mix for parental confidence.”
“What’s clear is that our jobs make it difficult to share parenting responsibilities - the result too often being a double shift for mothers and a lack of engagement from fathers. We have to recognise that our current system of parental leave and current approach to flexible working is supporting these gendered trends and the result isn’t good for anyone – mothers, fathers or children.”
The report also found that parents find their role harder as children get older rather than perfecting ‘the art of parenting’. Parents in the research expressed concerns that they became less careful and less effective with their second or third child and many said their confidence levels plunged at the time their children reached adolescence.
Demos recommends a parent refresher class offered when their child starts primary school to help boost parental confidence through this transition period.
The report identifies three key trends that have radically changed the way Britain parents:
A stalling of social mobility: As social mobility has reached a plateau, parenting has become a greater determinant of children’s life chances
An atomised society: As society has become more individualistic, parents may be more isolated and anxious about raising children
A difficult balance of work and care: As the division of labour has changed at work and at home, parents’ roles have become more complex and harder to manage.
Dr Maggie Atkinson, Children’s Commissioner for England said:
“The Demos research is a powerful example of how children are at the heart of families, and meeting their needs is key to understanding many of the decisions parents make. Work is one of those important areas where families face difficult decisions over time and money. What we know from this research is that when decisions about flexible working are based on the needs of the child the family as a whole benefits. The lesson from this is that we have to look at ways of working that allow parents to share responsibility and provide children with the support parents want to give.”
Notes to editors
Demos polled 1,017 parents (560 mothers, 457 fathers) with SurveyShack and iMama.tv. Parents were polled on how they feel about parenting, support services, and the pressures and influences on their lives. iMama.tv is the first video driven parenting website in the world hosting over 3,000 custom made, TV quality, short videos from both mums and experts covering everything a parent could want to know about pregnancy, birth and beyond.
The 2009 Demos report Building Character detailed how ‘tough love’ parenting with warmth and consistent boundaries was best at developing crucial character capabilities – empathy, application and self-regulation – that have a significant impact on people’s life chances.
The Home Front is the second report on parenting from the Family and Society programme at Demos.
The Home Front employed a mixed research methodology that combined representative attitudinal polling of parents with detailed, micro-level ethnographic observations of family life and parent-child interaction. This primary research has been supplemented with secondary longitudinal data analysis of the British and Millennium Cohort Studies, a literature and policy review, and a series of case studies with parenting services.
The Home Front by Jen Lexmond, Louise Bazalgette and Julia Margo is published on Monday 17 January 2010 and will be available to download for free from www.demos.co.uk
The Home Front was funded by The Office of the Children’s Commissioner. The Children's Commissioner for England was established under The Children Act 2004 to be the independent voice of children and young people and to champion their interests and bring their concerns and views to the national arena. The Commissioner’s work must take regard of children’s rights (the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child) and seek to improve the wellbeing of children and young people.
The Children’s Commissioner for England is the only national statutory organisation in England with the power to enter places where children are living, other than private homes, to interview them and report on issues from the child’s perspective. We can also ask organisations about which we have reported to respond to our recommendations and initiate inquiries into cases where they raise issues of public policy relevance to other children. For more information go to www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk
Media contact:
Beatrice Karol Burks
Beatrice.burks@demos.co.uk
020 7367 6325
079 2947 4938